Empty

Almost got knocked down by a car. Thanks to all the conditions that I am still alive now.

For a long while, I have been feeling empty. I have been putting this feeling aside for many times. But it is still there. Like I am living in a dream. I don't feel real. Don't feel solid.

...



Let it be. Empty feelings in the inner soul can't be filled by clinging to external objects, actions or even relationships. Look within. Look within. Sit still. Watch the beautiful world around. Count blessings. Be mindful. Be grateful. Be compassionate. Observe.
The Triple Gems will guide me through my way. I take refuge in the Buddha, my teacher (not idol). I take refuge in the Dharma, his teachings. I take refuge in the Sangha, the community of practitioners.
With palms folded. Thank you, world. I love the world, the people, my family, my friends and myself, no matter what you have given me, even if I feel empty.
I am not worried or saddened by this 'emptiness'. It is just an emotion. It is just a mode of information. One day it will reveal a piece of previously unknown information about myself.
Up til now, not much regrets in my life. Just do my best and leave the rest.

My Precious...

Family

They are the main reason why I enjoyed my graduation ceremony so much. Having three of them coming down to Singapore purposely for me just thrilled me.

My mom kept taking pictures of me, when I was posing, taking pictures with my friends, chatting with my friends, walking, arranging hair and robes, putting items on chair, etc. I guess in her eyes, I am forever her baby.

My sister was enjoying herself eventhough I didn't have much time for her. She snapped photos of different objects while we were busy. She is constantly curious about Singapore. Having her around makes me feel like I am a traveller spending my vacation right here.

My pak pak was smiling all the way. He patiently waited when there is nothing for him to do, kept taking videos of us. After the video camera battery went flat, he used his handphone to take pictures.

I had such a great time with them that I cried when they left! I thought I was independent leh..

Of course, I am very very grateful to my cousin sister Sook Yee and cousin brother Cheng Ho who gave me this superb bouquet of flowers and graduation bear, my housemates for buying me a cow who is holding a rose, Mei Fei and Hui Yee who brought this cute pink sunflower to me all the way. Thank you ^_^

Last but not least.. thank you my dear who helped me keep my family company when I was busy, helped me carry heavy/bulky items all the way, take pictures...

To Love Someone

To love someone

is to experience every other emotion outside of love and still come back to love.

To love someone

is to feel hurt or pain and be able to overcome it and forget about it.

To love someone

is to realize that the other person is not perfect. It is being able to see their bad parts, but put emphasis on the parts you love, and gladly accept them for the individual he/she is.

To love someone

is to lay a strong base for your feelings, but leave room for some fluctuation, because to feel exactly the same way all the time would leave no room for growth, experience and learning.

To love someone

is to be strong at accepting new ideas and facts. It is knowing that a person will not stay the same, but also that change happens gradually.

To love someone

is to give until your heart aches. The greatest gifts shared between two people are trust and understanding, which come from love. Love is giving one-hundred-and-ten-percent of yourself and only wanting something as simple as a smile in return.

To love someone

is to be able to see not only with your eyes but with your heart. It is to develop insight into your feelings and the other person's feelings, and to have a good understanding of your relationship.

To love someone

is to give of yourself totally, saying, "Here I am, and all that I am loves you very much." It is not twisting and turning and changing yourself to gain approval, but it is improving yourself so that your good points catch the other's attention and overshadow your faults.

-Anonymous-

How worse can it gets?

What is the worst thing that can happen to you?

Rejections, client scoldings, client say I'm bad, no results, didn't work hard enough, quoted something wrongly to clients, offend clients, dealing with nasty clients, couldn't deliver results to clients and they hate me and my company which causes bad reputation, make stupid mistakes, boss don't like me or colleagues don't like me while I am still working there, learn nothing from the experience, when things don't work out have to leave with a bad impression and spoilt relationships yet couldn't find job after that.

Why are you afraid of people not liking you?

*paused* Because I appreciate relationships with them. I need to live with them.

And if they don't like me it means I am not good enough.

But there are so many other people around, why just focus on these few who already don't like you?

Er....

IF you leave this group of people with bad ends, will you be able to bump with them back again?

Nope, quite impossible.

So what are you worrying about?

I want to feel relaxed and have fun!!

I want to

- Feel calm and mindful (instead of nervous and stress).

- Be able to understand what people need and be able to help them.

- Be energetic!

- Enjoy my work.

- Play.

- Have fun!

跑回（出）记忆

本来非常有纪律的一周一次

变成零次

今天再次跑步

选择了充满回忆的 Choa Chu Kang Park

经过和上次同一条跑道

听着上次听的 88.3 fm

电台竟然播着与那回忆共鸣的歌

戴爱玲的“对的人”，阿妹和萧敬腾的“一眼瞬间”，梁静茹的“爱你不是两三天”

两次跑步隔八个月

心情截然不同

虽然现在不完全没有包袱

可已感觉轻盈好多

活好现在

就算要跑

也要往前看

看路有没有香蕉皮

放手的爱

我的“爱”经常浑浊
掺杂着
失去的恐惧
利己的欲望

以致我为“爱”的人
绑上了一圈又一圈的枷锁
枷锁连着许多条鱼线
系在我的手指

我越“爱”
拉得越紧
我“爱”的人喘气挣扎
颈项手臂被磨得黑青
手指的血也一滴滴沿着鱼线流

————
我的爱经常被提炼
加入了
刚打开的第三只眼
和带着自信独立花纹的枕头

以致我为爱的人
献上一条窜了很多鼓励与祝福的项链
也为自己戴上了一模一样的项链

我越爱
越集中精神地瞭望
我爱的人奔跑探索时注意到了
停下脚步望回我
我们轻轻地抚摸着自己的项链
因为项链传递着对方的心跳